A Better Teacher, A Better Parent

Dear B & V,

Unlike teaching, parenting isn't a major someone takes in college to prepare themselves to be a mom or dad. Parenting just happens, purposefully or accidentally. When a child is born, parents are thrown into parenthood with only the model of generations before them. Some models are good and some not so. Most people, consciously or subconsciously, have taken bits from how they were raised and used it to build their own parenting philosophy.

The preparation to become a teacher is quite opposite of preparing to be a parent. Many teachers earn an undergraduate degree in education: taking classes, observing teachers and student-teaching under the mentorship of a veteran teacher. My journey was a bit more unconventional. I threw myself into teaching as a grad student, discovered I liked it, became a substitute teacher and was offered a job teaching without knowledge of educational pedagogy. Therefore, my path into teaching more closely aligned with parenting; trial-by-fire with mentor guidance and an eventual masters degree in education.

Teaching and parenting are symbiotic, for me based on commensalism. Being an educator has helped me be a better mom to you. Over the passed twenty years, I've learned through self-discovery, trial-and-error, and lessons from students and colleagues that have enabled me to succeed at teaching. I've replicated what I've learned as your mom.

Power struggles don't work. This lesson took me a long time to learn because of my need to control all and every situation. I even threw a Cuisinart food processor on the floor in front of you B to win a power struggle. Against a two and a half year old! I punished myself for that failure. Through personal growth over the years, I choose not to engage in power struggles. Instead, choices are provided to empower you and students to decide the best course of action and then learn from the positive or negative consequences that incur.

Humility to make mistakes. Mistakes weren't inherent but something to fear in my childhood and thus young adulthood. Maybe because I was the first born. I can't say that I'm completely okay with making mistakes today, just more humble about them. I appreciate when you and students point out mistakes, particularly in a kind manner. When students notice my mistakes, it is a sign they are engaged and observant. A win-win for any teacher. Sometimes, I make big mistakes, like throwing that Cuisinart, and I need to own-up. This hurts personal pride and ego which leaves a large lump in my throat. In spite of this, it is important for me to take responsibility and apologize to you or my students. When adults apologize to children, they model humility.

Ask questions. I remember when I was a child, I greatly disliked when my parents lectured me, particularly my father. When he became longwinded, I tuned him out. Similarly during my novice years, students ignored me when I lectured them to fix their behavior. Lectures don't work because the adult imposes their value system on the child hoping that it will stick. It is the adult's actions and model that create a child's value system. Instead, I ask questions to engage you and students to self-monitor, self-regulate, reflect and problem solve. Questioning empowers you to find solutions within yourself which breeds self-confidence.

Listen. Say less, hear more. Little needs to be said as listening is the key to empathy and kindness. By listening, you find and learn more.

A long, long time ago, I didn't want to be a mother nor felt I was meant to be one. However, I believe I was meant to be a teacher, even though I didn't know it then. In the prologue of teaching, I discovered I was meant to be a mom - your mom.

Love & Peace,
Mom